Sex As A Form Of Therapy to Girls And How To Heal

Female Development and Style

Sex as therapy

I was having a conversation with some women on sex and self-esteem. Reading my post on sexuality means I encourage women to accept their sexuality but this conversation was the reason behind why some ladies are very sexual. And God bless that day, a strong and amazing soul was ready to share her story with me centered on this issue.

I’ll call her Joy.

She opened up to me about her rough childhood. She has abusive parents who hit and beat her mercilessly and verbally abused her. Her father was fond of calling her a prostitute; she faced sexual harassment but could not tell her parents because they were very strict

She eventually got frustrated after her father kept calling her a prostitute and decided to have sex with a guy in her life that was disturbing her and she already told him that she was going to wait till she was 18. she was between the ages of 7-12. After that, she had sex with every guy she dated and close friends because she needed someone to love, understand and support her. She has done a lot of wrong things with terrible men. She suffered from low self-esteem due to mental and physical abuse from her parents and other men in her life.

I also remember when a lady told me that her mother said she will not bet 5 Naira on her that she does not sleep around and she started sleeping around.

Parents have a lot of influence over their kids’ future and it’s sad that a lot of them misuse it and make their daughters develop low self-esteem that affects the quality of their life

Sex as a way of feeling loved and getting attention will get old and can worsen the case of depression because the girls will start feeling used, cases of disrespect are high with very sexually active women and women with low self-esteem that can’t handle such disrespect will believe them that they deserve to be disrespected. They will look down on their selves and feel more irritated.

This is not a post to shame any girl/woman currently going through this. This is the opposite because I’m here to tell you that

You are golden. You deserve more than 5 minutes fake love from a disrespectful man that in the end just wants to cum. You are better than that. Even if your parents, siblings, and friends have turned their back on you and it feels like the whole world has. You are worthy of love and respect. Look at you. You are strong. See what you’ve overcome. See what you’re doing for yourself. You cry yourself to bed yet wake up ready to live life. Even if you’re just eating and breathing it’s enough. You are doing well my love. You will learn to heal and forgive people that have hurt you for yourself because if you don’t you won’t let go.

You have to forgive yourself most importantly because sometimes you feel ashamed of yourself and you disgust yourself but you are allowed to make mistakes and be wrong about what you thought was what you needed and was right for you. I have been in a place where I was absolutely angry and irritated with myself. I know regardless of my mistakes. I deserve my own forgiveness and love if I even wanted to truly heal and be happy.

Let go. Let God take control. Try your best to make a conscious effort to heal – discover what makes you happy and do more of that, and on the days when you find yourself crying. The hot painful ones with so much pain and weight and you want to curse the day you were born. Don’t feel like you’re weak. It’s part of the process. On days like that look at yourself in the mirror, if your crying face is not as ugly as mine, try and laugh at yourself and remember that you’re breathing. You’re doing enough by just breathing. I love you, the world needs warriors like you, little girls’ need ladies like you to tell them that they can survive the pain and overcome it.

I see how strong you are and trying to be

My friend is doing better and in a better place, she’s slowly healing from her painful past.

You will feel better soon when you decide to forgive yourself and start healing

I promise you

With love


Follow me on Twitter @funkeolotu_ and Instagram @olotufunke

Disclaimer - This is not for every woman, there are sexually active women that do not have sex as a form of coping mechanism and True stories are shared with the owners permission


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  • Posted July 7, 2018 5:36 pm
    by Oma

    “Don’t feel like you’re weak, it’s part of the process”… This and so many other words are going up my mantra section of my journal ? Funke never disappoints. I have a story similar to this, I don’t think I’ll ever share it tho and lol, that’s not even necessary.
    Thank you so much for addressing this, I needed a big spanking in this department and you did justice. Funkeeee?

    • Posted July 7, 2018 5:39 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      I never disappoint is just making me dance ? thank you so much oma and I’m happy you enjoyed this and receive your online spanking

  • Posted July 7, 2018 5:44 pm
    by Sahni Waiman

    I love this piece.
    We would talk one of these days….maybe a date aswear!
    You are the best FUNKEEEEE ?
    ”God bless you”

  • Posted July 7, 2018 5:46 pm
    by Sike Gbana

    You are so amazing. This is so real, alot of girls use sex as a form of power over men to find self worth. Irony is, they end up feeling only less. Thanks for encouraging our sisters.
    We are all strong and beautiful.

  • Posted July 7, 2018 9:06 pm
    by Sarah Enuwa Audu

    I’m going away with this thought ” you are allowed to make mistakes and be wrong about what you thought was what you needed and was right for you”. Keep doing what you do Funke

    • Posted July 7, 2018 9:08 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thank you Sarah! And Is it weird that I just opened your latest post ?
      Thank you ?

  • Posted July 7, 2018 9:36 pm
    by Habibat Yusuf

    Funke, I love you more fo this. The story and the whole post is wow, it’s just amazing how you put them together. I need to work so hard on myself to boost my self-esteem. I’m short of words here.

    • Posted July 7, 2018 9:51 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Awwwnnn.. thank you so much Habiba.. I’m happy you love it❤️

  • Posted July 9, 2018 10:06 am
    by Debs

    It is indeed sad that a lot of women see sex as a form of therapy to feel better and at the end, they feel worse. One of the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder even includes ‘hypersexuality’, only that afterwards, the persons realizes it wasn’t the easiest way out.

    It is amazing that someone like you chooses to address this issue and speak for the other women out there. I hope this helps everyone speak out more, retraces their step and not beat themselves up more for the mistakes. Rather sees this as one of the regrets we would have in life and find a stepping stone to be better in the process.

    • Posted July 10, 2018 5:04 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thank you so much Debbie. I’ve learnt something about bipolar disorder today. This is definitely a stepping stone

  • Posted July 21, 2018 8:42 pm
    by Cirphrank

    Delivered beautifully, good job once again amazing Funke, well-done!

  • Posted July 24, 2018 6:11 pm
    by Gerald Ineke

    Nice post. Funke you are really doing well with your blog, I love the new look of your blog. Am a fan of yours from facebook . Keep up the good work of passing great and impactful messages across.

    • Posted July 28, 2018 8:04 am
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thank you so much Gerald!!! You are too kind. Thank you!

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  • Posted November 7, 2019 1:22 pm
    by KRITIKA

    I am late at responding to this post. New to wordpress actually. I saw this article on Pinterest and read it to the last. Attracted by the title, the words inside are touching and relates to the society we reside in.
    Hope your friend is strong and is at her best now. Love to her. 💕

    • Posted November 7, 2019 1:23 pm
      by Olotu Funke

      Thank you Kritika, she’s not a close friend but I hope she’s in a better place

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