Sex as therapy for women

I was having a conversation with some women about sex and self-esteem. Reading my post on sexuality means I encourage women to accept their sexuality but this conversation was the reason why some ladies are very sexual. And God bless that day, a strong and amazing soul was ready to share her story with me centered on this issue.

I’ll call her Joy.

She opened up to me about her rough childhood. She has abusive parents who hit and beat her mercilessly and verbally abused her. Her father was fond of calling her a prostitute; she faced sexual harassment but could not tell her parents because they were very strict

She eventually got frustrated after her father kept calling her a prostitute and decided to have sex with a guy in her life that was disturbing her and she had already told him that she was going to wait till she was 18. She was between the ages of 7-12. After that, she had sex with every guy she dated and close friends because she needed someone to love, understand, and support her. She has done a lot of things with terrible men. She suffered from low self-esteem due to mental and physical abuse from her parents and other men in her life.

I also remember when a lady told me that her mother said she would not bet 5 Naira on her that she does not sleep around and she started sleeping around.

Parents have a lot of influence over their kids’ future and it’s sad that a lot of them misuse it and make their daughters develop low self-esteem that affects the quality of their life.

I believe you should have sex because you want to and because you enjoy it.

Sex as a way of feeling loved and getting attention will get old eventually and can worsen the case of depression because the girls will start feeling used, cases of disrespect are high with very sexually active women and women with low self-esteem who can’t handle such disrespect will believe that they deserve to be disrespected. They will look down on their selves and feel more irritated.

This post is not to shame any girl/woman currently going through this. This is the opposite because I’m here to tell you that

You are golden. You deserve more than 5 minutes of fake love from a disrespectful man that in the end just wants to cum. You are better than that. Even if your parents, siblings, and friends have turned their back on you and it feels like the whole world has. You are worthy of love and respect. Look at you. You are strong. See what you’ve overcome. See what you’re doing for yourself. You cry yourself to bed yet wake up ready to live life. Even if you’re just eating and breathing it’s enough. You are doing well my love. You will learn to heal and forgive people who have hurt you for yourself because if you don’t you won’t let go.

You have to forgive yourself most importantly because sometimes you feel ashamed of yourself and you disgust yourself but you are allowed to make mistakes and be wrong about what you thought was what you needed and was right for you.

Let go. Let God take control. Try your best to make a conscious effort to heal – discover what makes you happy and do more of that, and on the days when you find yourself crying. The hot painful ones with so much pain and weight and you want to curse the day you were born. Don’t feel like you’re weak. It’s part of the process. On days like that look at yourself in the mirror, try and laugh at yourself, and remember that you’re breathing. You’re doing enough by just breathing. I love you, the world needs warriors like you, little girls need ladies like you to tell them that they can survive the pain and overcome it.

I see how strong you are and trying to be

My friend is doing better and in a better place, she’s slowly healing from her past.

You will feel better soon when you decide to forgive yourself and start healing

I promise you

With love


Follow me on Twitter @funkeolotu_ and Instagram @olotufunke

Disclaimer - This is not for every woman, there are lots of sexually active women that do not have sex as a form of coping mechanism and True stories are shared with the owners permission


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By Olotu Funke

Olotu Funke is a baddie keen on existing fully, documenting her journey with Skin Positivity, Mental Health, Personal Style, and the Life in between.

One thought on “Sex As A Form Of Therapy to Girls And How To Heal”
  1. I want to thank you for this post. Please allow me to share this on my new and unfinished website, Yes, I definitely need help in the SEO department!! lol. My website is much like yours but I realized I am one of those girls you’ve described. I’d like to share your post and add my story in a link if that’s ok? I also must learn how to do so!! Lol. Your post brought tears to my eyes as I read your words, but thank you for your caring words. Please email me with your response and feel free to make constructive criticism on behalf of my site! Suggestions are welcome as well!

    Much love and care,

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