Ever felt a rush of emotions that you can’t control? like your suppressed anger and pain was dancing in front of you, where you can feel it but you also can’t feel it? You want to explode but know how your emotions can get the best of you and it’s better not to allow yourself? Make rash decisions then you wonder why you made such a dumb decision?
That was how I felt on the 31st of May, 2018. I knew that something was wrong and I needed to be with my self, take care of myself, listen to myself more than I usually do and just be one with myself.
I decided to go on a social media detox, leave social media for a day, no communication with anyone except through phone calls. Prior to this in this Sister’s event post I mentioned that social media detox is a great way to overcome creative blocks.
My social media detox was not just because I heard that it was a good way to collect your thoughts, it was because deep down I know I needed it, I know that I’ve started losing myself in social media, not by lying on social media but just by being on it. Scrolling through Instagram when I am not feeling too good mentally, not stopping to check myself because at that moment it feels good to just scroll rather than face my problems.
Scrolling on twitter and laughing hard, reading and responding to blog comments (my favorite part, thank you for always inspiring, your comments means a lot) and checking Pinterest till I fall asleep then do the needful the next day and the same routine.
It was becoming unhealthy but I was telling myself that it’s part of what I do. I’m a blogger, I should be online as if controlled I will stop being a blogger and my readers will stop enjoying me.
It was getting too much, an addiction of some sort. I had neglected how I was feeling and for me, someone that feels everything deeply it was a big deal and that was why I felt how I did.
I was angry at myself for neglecting myself, for procrastinating important things and not seeing the big deal on being addicted to social media. And I felt anger deeply and the emotions that swim with anger.
On the 1st of June, I didn’t have to be so strict with not being online, my emotions already scolded me and the importance was glaring so it was not a fight to keep my phone off my hands.
I raised my golden cream curtains, smiled at the rush of breeze on my face happy to see the weather promising and calm, I raised the second curtain up, removed my bedspread and pillowcases, packed my laundry basket out of my room. Made a hole in the wall for my raffia hat to sit, kept an old teddy bear on the books on my workspace. Breathing, smiling, listening to music.
I took out the unnecessary things in my room, made my room feel bigger, made me breathe better, and made me smile. I laid a new set of bedspreads, folded my soft blanket on my big bed. Feeling satisfied with myself I sat on the bed, tired but not exhausted.
Got up and did my laundry, more tired than I was, I mopped my room and scrubbed my bathroom. You could see your teeth on my tiles, even though it was blue.
I had a warm long bath, paying attention to every part of my body as though if not properly washed will be cut off. Toweled my body and applied my Palmers cocoa butter lotion and coconut oil, taking my time. Put on a fancy-free size black and white dress and a cute pink slip on. A dress I wear for only occasions, then it hit me that why do I save my pretty dresses for events and not wear them and feel like a princess in my room.
Ate a meal I did not prepare, entered my room, laid down, smiling to myself and breathing, filtering my thoughts and smiling. I read my current book. “Americanah” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and I love how it made me feel a lot of emotions. dressed up to use the ATM and work out but the rain beat me silly. Did some sit ups before bed while watching a movie I’ve watched before and I enjoyed it.
Didn’t go online till later at night to talk to someone important, I didn’t take myself out, I just needed to be with myself and enjoy my company, change my space arrangement and feel more welcomed in my space, my life.
I loved that what seems like a normal routine brought me so much more peace and the bottle of emotions seems to be opened. I plan to control the time I spend on social media, pay more attention to myself and take myself out one of these days.
Have you ever gone on a social media detox? What do you do when you want to spend time alone and be at peace? How do you control yourself on social media?
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