“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”
—Nora Ephron
Here is the second story on the “My Abortion Story” series. The honesty of these stories makes my heart melt.
if you have not read Episode 1 you should read itMy Abortion Story – Anonymous Submission Ep.1
1. Why did you decide that you were going to get an abortion?
We were on a short break and we had just gotten back together when I found out I was pregnant. At first, I was scared but I knew immediately that I didn’t want the child.
I told myself that it was because of my parents and the pressure to be seen as a “model” child but deep down I knew my boyfriend then was the wrongest person to be pregnant by – he was grossly irresponsible and non-challant about his life; I knew immediately I found out about the pregnancy that I didn’t want him to be the father to my child.
Insane that I still got back together with him but our relationship was more of a “convenience” then and I never wanted anything long term from him
2. Which method was your abortion?
I had the surgical abortion, I had to do it the proper way regardless of how much it cost. It was the best decision cos I got the absolute best care from my doctor and zero judgments too (that was important)
3. Did your partner know about this; was he fully involved and did this affect the relationship
Yes, sure. I made the decision without giving him much choice but he was supportive during the entire thing.
I know I would have been fine without him regardless (because my sister was amazing and supportive during this time), it was really soothing that he was at the hospital all through.
4. What do you think people should consider when judging women that have abortions
I think it is easier to judge if you’ve not been in that position. Prior to my D&C, I was very pro-life – so pro-life that I was certain that it would never happen to me. After the whole procedure, it dawned on me that it is never easy on the person, no matter the decision they make.
People need to know that whether they keep or abort the baby, it is a very hard decision that affects you for a very long time. So, far from what they think, abortion is not exactly the easier route.
5. I’m curious, do you regret having your abortion?
Actually, I don’t.
I grew up with a scum of a father and didn’t want the same thing for my child.
6. What were you not prepared for that happened after the abortion?
The overwhelming sense of loss that fills me sometimes, the nightmare (the pain from the procedure is etched on my mind so strongly that all I have to do is close my eyes and I can feel it), the bout of depression that came from the fact that I didn’t regret my actions and how it has scarred me so much, I didn’t feel I deserve to have kids.
7. What was one thing you wished you had after your decision
Actually, nothing. Maybe some magic portion to not have to deal with it but I had the support of some of the most important people to me – my brother and sister. I am forever grateful for them. In fact, some days after, I still headlined an event outside of the state I was living in.
8. Will you ever have an abortion again?
I don’t think so. Weird that one time, I really wanted a baby, planned for it and I miscarried it. Both experiences totally made me asexual – hard not to be when that’s the only thing that goes through your mind when someone touches you.
It’s been a tough mental journey of accepting, forgiving and loving myself all over again just to find my peace.
9. Final words for anyone considering having an abortion
Do not let anyone guilt you into having an abortion or keeping your pregnancy. I know it may sound so easy on paper, but your decision should be because you’re totally fine with whatever you’re about to do and you’re ready to face whatever comes after.
Oh, if you want to have a medical abortion, go to a doctor you trust (I know this is illegal in Nigeria but find a reputable doctor that is willing to help you). If you want to use, also confide in a pharmacist at least that will help you with the right pills.
Seek the help of a friend you trust – there’s nothing that will help you through the process more than having a friend that won’t judge you or berate you – supportive friends are everything during this process.
It will also help to speak to a mental health counselor or therapist to deal with the mental pressure that will come afterward.
Love and Light Always,
Funke Olotu
I’m Fun on twitter – https://twitter.com/funkeolotu_