Life Bits

Loving Yourself Before Getting into a Relationship

Loving yourself – Self-love, I think, is one of the most misunderstood types of love, people think self-love is a destination you get to, and that brings so much pressure on everyone. We are humans and self-love is a gradual process just like everything with life.

There will be days where you amuse yourself and your confidence demands that you should be worshipped and there will be days where you are not ready to look at yourself in the mirror. That does not mean you don’t love yourself.

It’s important to love yourself and be somewhere with yourself before you go into a relationship. Why? Let me explain.

Where there is no self-love, there’s no confidence to understand what you deserve, you accept whatever is given to you. No standards set. You let it flow as it comes, and this can lead anyone into an abusive and manipulative relationship and sometimes some victims do not understand that they are being manipulated.

loving yourself as a black girl

Some of us have that friend or know that person that despite warnings to leave their partner they stay, they keep putting up excuses, hoping that they will change or in complete denial about their current situation and its exhausting to experience. That’s what happens when there is no self-love.

When there is self-love

There are standards set, there are rules for anyone that wants to come into your space, your self-love shows so it mostly attracts people that see that and can give you that. do you understand? There are levels to this.

When you spoil yourself, treat yourself good and carry yourself like the queen that you are. You send a message that ‘this is who I am and how I want to be treated’ so anyone that wants to be in your life must come correct or admire you from afar.

Olotu funke

it makes loving you and loving someone easier when you love yourself, I’m not saying there won’t be days when you will feel insecure, there will be and its normal. There most definitely will be days. We are human.

I hope you understand why it’s important to love yourself before getting into a relationship. Before being with someone, there are certain qualities that are attractive, being a possessive lover is not one of them.

It wears people out and it’s draining. This is not me judging you for being in a certain stage in your life. I’ve been in that place where I didn’t love myself and I felt like being with someone will make me feel whole, I didn’t realize it then but now, I am and intentional about taking breaks with relationships when I must.

The world is draining, and self-love is difficult for a lot of reasons like comparison, societal pressure to be at a certain stage at a certain time, upbringing, the way media portrays beauty amongst others.

olotu funke with afro wig

This is me showing you why you should take time for yourself. Be alone with yourself till you get to a place where you are satisfied with who you are as a person, a whole individual, you do not need a man to be at peace with yourself. You are a complete person. So, when you have something precious within yourself. You protect that and accept only that and more. Nothing less.

I hope you get there.

Love and Light Always.

Follow me on Instagram @OlotuFunke

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Olotu Funke is a baddie keen on existing fully, documenting her journey with Skin Positivity, Mental Health, Personal Style, and the Life in between.

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