“It appears that acne is a lot more than just skin deep,” she said. “It can have a substantial impact on overall mental health.” – NYtimes

Your face is worse than someone’s disease is unarguably the worst thing I’ve heard about my acne and the statement that lead me to the deep acne depression. I started having pimples when I was very young 9,10

A lot of conversations go on about acne but little does about the emotional bit of it, a lot of people don’t talk about how people look at your face with disgust or how they tell you-you’re dirty, you’re the cause because you’re not eating right and what you should do to get rid of it.

Depression from acne is a big deal and scientists are proving that people that suffer from Acne have higher risks of being depressed. – TeenVogue


Acne
depression can lead to

  • Shyness
  • Low self-esteem
  • Withdrawal from the public
  • Bad educational performance
  • Extreme cases have been linked to anxiety — even suicide.
  • Acne may reduce career choices, ruling out occupations such as modeling that depend upon personal appearance. – Psychological Effects of Acne

Having suffered from acne for over 9 years, I’m not new to some of the emotions listed above.

The story

In secondary school, my JSS1 – SS1 was a bit rough, people telling me that my crush would have looked my way if I didn’t have pimples but my positive self never took it to heart and always said it will go one day.

But it never did.

My family moved and I changed my secondary school and things got tougher, new faces, new opinions, and new tough emotions. I went to secondary school pretty early so I was naive. I got bullied. I went through mental hell and I’ll leave that part for another post.

One hot afternoon, I was having an argument with a girl and she said my face was worse than someone’s disease, I promise you, I don’t think I’ve heard anything so cruel or felt so sad in my life. (I was 14 then) I left her corner for mine, sat on my bed, hugged my blanket and cried quietly. At this point, I was tired of looking at my face in the mirror. I was angry at my face. I wanted to have smooth skin. That was it.

Bad educational performance

Shyness set in – I didn’t go to class the next day and the day after that and the day after that till I didn’t go for two weeks. I didn’t want anyone seeing the disease that was on my face, that must have been what they thought of me, that’s why they look at me with that disgusting look on their faces. My academic performance dropped in no time, I was one of the brightest in my last school and at that point, I could care less about learning.

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It ultimately affected my self-esteem.

Low self-esteem

We (I & my brother) had to leave the school because of religious crisis and went to another, the stares and the “good” advise from people telling me to use my urine, toothpaste and all sorts continued.

Some days I tell myself it’s just acne and it will go but most nights, I squeeze tears out of my eyes when they hurt because of the tears I don’t want to drop, open my mouth slowly and cry myself to sleep. I was being treated differently and poorly and I was very tired of people’s reaction to my body’s biology.

Getting to the university, my acne was still there, I was a bitter girl, apart from acne depression I was going through a lot I’ll share in other posts if I get the strength.

Seeing girls that took too much care of their face irritated me, I classified them as “vain & insecure” because they want to always look good. This was because of my own insecurity. I was tired of trying so many things that didn’t work. So I stopped trying because I was scared that I’ll try and get hopeful and go back to where I started.

Falling deeper into depression.

I still have acne, days back I started reacting to something and it’s really bad so here I am writing this post, touching my face and body and the smoothness I console myself within my head has not come.

Might have dropped a tear or two writing this and this is not the post to tell you what to do. You’ve heard a lot of those.

This is the one to inform you that you’re not alone, if you’re going through acne depression it’s fine and it’s not vain.

Don’t beat yourself up for not being happy to look in the mirror now. it will only make things worse.

One day you’ll look into the mirror and smile but until then.

Hold on and remember that you’re not alone. 

You’re as equally important and beautiful as the universe itself.

What’s on your face is not a disease and it does not define you.

it’s your body’s biology and one day your body will get the memo

Love,

Funke.

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