The Part Of Acne No One Talks About – My Acne Depression Story

“It appears that acne is a lot more than just skin deep,” she said. “It can have a substantial impact on overall mental health.” – NYtimes

Your face is worse than someone’s disease is unarguably the worst thing I’ve heard about my acne and the statement that lead me to the deep acne depression. I started having pimples when I was very young 9,10

A lot of conversations go on about acne but little does about the emotional bit of it, a lot of people don’t talk about how people look at your face with disgust or how they tell you-you’re dirty, you’re the cause because you’re not eating right and what you should do to get rid of it.

Depression from acne is a big deal and scientists are proving that people that suffer from Acne have higher risks of being depressed. – TeenVogue


Acne
depression can lead to

  • Shyness
  • Low self-esteem
  • Withdrawal from the public
  • Bad educational performance
  • Extreme cases have been linked to anxiety — even suicide.
  • Acne may reduce career choices, ruling out occupations such as modeling that depend upon personal appearance. – Psychological Effects of Acne

Having suffered from acne for over 9 years, I’m not new to some of the emotions listed above.

The story

In secondary school, my JSS1 – SS1 was a bit rough, people telling me that my crush would have looked my way if I didn’t have pimples but my positive self never took it to heart and always said it will go one day.

But it never did.

My family moved and I changed my secondary school and things got tougher, new faces, new opinions, and new tough emotions. I went to secondary school pretty early so I was naive. I got bullied. I went through mental hell and I’ll leave that part for another post.

One hot afternoon, I was having an argument with a girl and she said my face was worse than someone’s disease, I promise you, I don’t think I’ve heard anything so cruel or felt so sad in my life. (I was 14 then) I left her corner for mine, sat on my bed, hugged my blanket and cried quietly. At this point, I was tired of looking at my face in the mirror. I was angry at my face. I wanted to have smooth skin. That was it.

Bad educational performance

Shyness set in – I didn’t go to class the next day and the day after that and the day after that till I didn’t go for two weeks. I didn’t want anyone seeing the disease that was on my face, that must have been what they thought of me, that’s why they look at me with that disgusting look on their faces. My academic performance dropped in no time, I was one of the brightest in my last school and at that point, I could care less about learning.

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It ultimately affected my self-esteem.

Low self-esteem

We (I & my brother) had to leave the school because of religious crisis and went to another, the stares and the “good” advise from people telling me to use my urine, toothpaste and all sorts continued.

Some days I tell myself it’s just acne and it will go but most nights, I squeeze tears out of my eyes when they hurt because of the tears I don’t want to drop, open my mouth slowly and cry myself to sleep. I was being treated differently and poorly and I was very tired of people’s reaction to my body’s biology.

Getting to the university, my acne was still there, I was a bitter girl, apart from acne depression I was going through a lot I’ll share in other posts if I get the strength.

Seeing girls that took too much care of their face irritated me, I classified them as “vain & insecure” because they want to always look good. This was because of my own insecurity. I was tired of trying so many things that didn’t work. So I stopped trying because I was scared that I’ll try and get hopeful and go back to where I started.

Falling deeper into depression.

I still have acne, days back I started reacting to something and it’s really bad so here I am writing this post, touching my face and body and the smoothness I console myself within my head has not come.

Might have dropped a tear or two writing this and this is not the post to tell you what to do. You’ve heard a lot of those.

This is the one to inform you that you’re not alone, if you’re going through acne depression it’s fine and it’s not vain.

Don’t beat yourself up for not being happy to look in the mirror now. it will only make things worse.

One day you’ll look into the mirror and smile but until then.

Hold on and remember that you’re not alone. 

You’re as equally important and beautiful as the universe itself.

What’s on your face is not a disease and it does not define you.

it’s your body’s biology and one day your body will get the memo

Love,

Funke.

Get To Know me – Too much Information tag

48 thoughts on “The Part Of Acne No One Talks About – My Acne Depression Story

  1. Thank you for sharing this post Funke. I’ve been dealing with bipolar disorder and anxiety. Everytime i want to share i get anxious about it but this has giving me strength b🙌🙌 thank you

    1. I am so happy for this comment, this was difficult for me to post but I know I wanted to help girls like me dealing with things we don’t talk about. I’m happy this was helpful to you and when you share please let me know

  2. Hi Funke, first of all I applaud you for writing about your vulnerability. It takes a lot of courage to do that, you are one strong and beautiful woman. Secondly, no one should have to go through what you went through as a teenager, I am so sorry that you went through that.

    As I read this post, I was subtly reminded of my own demons as a teenager. This post resonated with me, though I don’t exactly have an acne breakout but sometimes I feel insecure about my chipped tooth and imperfect dentition hence I barely laugh carelessly in public. I believe everyone of us have our own flaws, but we must learn to embrace them. I’m glad you wrote this post as it has somewhat stirred courage in my heart to accept and love myself the way I am. Thank you for that.

    If I may ask though, have you seen a dermatologist about your acne? Perhaps, they might prescribe some skin care products for you.

    1. Oh Ella thank you so much. I’m so happy to help because as you said we all have our own insecurities. I hope the courage stays and you laugh so the world can hear.

      Thanks for the kind words Ella, means a lot!
      I’m planning on seeing a dermatologist next month. Spending all my cash there. Hopefully everything will get better

  3. I am so proud of you for being so open about this. It takes a lot of confidence to be this vulnerable. You are beautiful, no one has the right to tell you otherwise. Thank you for this awesome post.

  4. Olaitan

    Brilliant👏. Thank you for posting this. Just recently I had the worst acne breakout i have ever had. The way people would look at me would sadden my heart. One of my lecturers during a practical facial massage class wouldn’t touch my face even after reassurance that it isn’t contagious. It hurt me so much but i didn’t show it. I even started to hate people with clear skin. Stupid attractive people and their flawless skin. Total strangers y’all. It was that bad. So it is good and I am grateful that you posted this.

    1. I’m sorry for how that jackass made you feel. People can be so cruel . I’m glad that you wrote all this. Allowing the negative energy flow and you seem ready to shine.

      With time our skin will clear and we’ll feel better Olaitan 😂

  5. Wow! First, I need to really state my feelings about you, which is, You’re one heaven of a beautiful woman and top of it all, Queen, you’re strong. I celebrate your vulnerability. Coming here, writing this, I’m certain it’s not easy but you made it easy anyway. What you went through was mean and demeaning, no one should go through that but life sucks and I’m glad about how far you’ve come making confidence look so sexy! This post rings home. Although mine wasn’t acne but I was never one to have a smooth face. I dealt with pimples, blackheads, extreme roughness, dry and sensitive skin cum breakouts and body scars and I got shamed for it a lot of times. At a point, I was like really obsessed with my body, products, bio oil, googlings, diys, dermatology stuff, achieving a flawless ‘normal’ skin – self esteem started dragging, tons of useless long morning and night routines but above all, I’m grateful for how far I’ve come and how far you’ve come cos I bet it’s a giant stride from what it used to be. Now, I’ve discovered keeping it really simple works for me. I’m definite this vulnerable post will help a lot of people. I hope one day, there exist a world where girls, ladies, women are never made to feel insecure in their body by men or fellow females. Love and light 💕

    1. Ibukun you made me cry 😞😩 thank you for the deep ass beautiful words. I really appreciate. The stage of being obsessed with products. Arghhhh!!!

      I’m so proud of how far you’ve come also and I hope that one day we’ll be in a world without hate and negativity and most importantly contribute to that world

  6. Isioma Ononye

    I really liked reading this post. I’m so glad you have the courage to share this. I’m sure it wasn’t easy but it’s so necessary to write things like this. We all have insecurities and acne depression is definitely real. In junior high, I used to hate my black spots and also my features. But like you said, we are still all beautiful and that beauty is not diminished by any small flaw.

  7. Thanks a lot for being open and sharing, we tend to overlook some things that lead to serious problems. I don’t even know or remember what it feels like to have a smooth face. Back in Junior secondary school, I was always self conscious about my pimples, plus being dependent on glasses. Both attracted teasing and taunts, so many insensitive jokes. Tried almost everything, toothpaste, creams, soaps, lime, raw black soap,even methylated spirit. I still hate looking at my VS pictures, pimples stole the whole show. At some point I stopped caring that deeply, my face is a little better now though.

    1. I’m happy your face is better love, it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate growth no matter how little.

      I certainly feel you with the products usage, annoying! The part of overlooking things that leads to serious problems is true and quite popular in this part of the world . I hope we grow

  8. Cara

    Hi Funke,
    I didn’t really understand acne till now. I always saw it as a skin reaction that would probably go after a while but this post has taught me a lot about this condition. Thank you for sharing 💛💛💛

  9. I can relate to how difficult it must have been for you to share this. I’ve also dealt with acne, cystic acne — they were like huge boils on my face! I’m not sure how I wasn’t even depressed (maybe because I was dealing with depression regarding another aspect of my life and didn’t have enough strength to be depressed over two different situations) but it was still hard. There were days that I’d plan to go out with friends and I’d cake up my face with foundation. After spending hours caking up my face, I’d be like wth! Every time, I ended up cleaning my face and calling my friends to cancel cause I just didn’t like how I looked. A couple of months after though, I think I just stopped caring you know… my face was looking all burnt and dirty but I was tired of caring!

    So all I’m trying to say is, I feel you funke. You’re gorgeous and smart and I admire you a lot. Those little pimples on your face can’t stop your shine baby girl.

    You should check my post on “my acne story” I shared pictures.

    1. You’re so funny Tobi, not enough energy to be depressed about two things. I relate with cleaning up makeup and cancelling. That kind of isolated me more.

      Not caring about how people see your face is goals, and thank you for the compliment I really appreciate 💗

      I’ll check out your blog

  10. Deji

    As much as i cant really relate with acne, i can for sure say that your post covers for other sources of insecurities people deal with on a daily basis.. and it takes a lot of courage to talk about these things… some of us have to toughen up and live through things smiling like all is well while we sink deeper and deeper inside. i’m learning to accept my flaws and look to the brighter sides for consolation (lol). hopefully one day we’ll all be able to look past our “imperfections” and learn to embrace all the other things that makes us great. thanks for posting this… stumbled on this post and i’m glad i did…

    1. Thank you Deji. I’m glad that it covered other parts. We all have to accept ourself wholeheartedly and grow to accept our imperfections so we can live our lives to the fullest!

  11. Vivian Okenwa

    I can relate so much to this Funke. Right now I feel I’m not alone,like so part of the world feels this too. When ever I see people with clear faces looking all good and all without stress I feel bad. like they don’t know the struggle we go through day and night fixing our faces. Well thank you for sharing this. I hope one day we all have beautiful flawless skin without acne.

  12. I’ve opened this post since 9am but I can’t believe I just finished reading it. Not because it was boring but because I do not want to rush through it at all. I want to digest every word and line.

    Funke, I applaud you. You are stronger than any mean word said to you and you are so beautiful. Look at you today, way stronger than all those words. And writing about it just helped me too. I’m recently battling with non-stop body shaming and all these acne on my face that won’t go away.

    At first, make up was my cover up but now I just cared less. I just listen to people tell me all the things I am doing wrong and things I should be doing but I couldn’t be bothered. Acne isn’t a stigma and I refuse to even let that affect me in any way.

    Thanks for sharing, hon.

    1. Thank you Debbie 😊😩

      I’ve seen you before and I’m trying to think of why someone will be body shaming you, that body banging!

      Thank you for the sweet compliments love. Cheers to not being bothered!

  13. Honestly, this post hit home for me. I had acne through my teen years and I got bullied too. Got fat shamed too. I remember the low self esteem and the sadness and self hatred. I remember the unsolicited advice from people.
    I still have acne on my chest, back, bum and even thighs. But I do not let all these define me.
    You are so brave for writing this post and it’s gonna be bookmarked.
    You are beautiful 💜

  14. Hi, babe. You may not know this but I think that you’re one of the most beautiful people I know. Your confidence however long it took to build it, is the most beautiful part about you. It shines through every single time, you speak, write. Love you!

  15. I love this post! People are trash though for the way you treated you – I’ve struggled with acne since my teens. My own problem sef is I didn’t help my matter by guzzling down groundnut and I was working at KFC at some point so the oily food was in abundance. It calmed down once I got to Nigeria but it’s still very much there. I hate it more because one side of my face is basically completely clear (my good side) and the other has all these dark spots and pimples along with my forehead. I’m just like whyyyyy! Lol, we’ll be alright. I like how you shared your experience with us unedited, just raw emotion. Everything will be alright!

  16. This is actually me. I started having pimples quite early, and because of depression and stuff I had to start seriously getting into beauty and grooming products. Till date when I start breaking out I get real panicky, and don’t ever leave my house. Sighs.

    vincentdesmond.com

  17. Tonye

    When I met you the first time, the first thing I noticed about you was the acne and immediately I just wanted to know your story. Because I knew you would definitely have something to share.

    If you can remember I asked about it when we stepped out. To be honest I felt so many emotions. I was sad for you because I could imagine all you would have gone through. The physical, financial, emotional and psychological stress. I also felt happiness because there was this happy girl with the hottest body ever sitting beside me and happily gisting with me. At the games night as well, you were just so carefree and happy and I was amazed at how confident you were.

    you are indeed beautiful and strong! This story you have shared has lifted a lot of spirits especially mine. Thank you for sharing this Funke!

    http://www.theblackwriter.co

    1. Thank you so much Tonye!

      Your comment made me cry and smile. Urghhhh

      Sometimes it can be hard but I keep pushing and I definitely remember our story because you could relate.

      Thank you for the sweet words😩 I appreciate them

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  19. Samie Greg

    This is so relatable. I’m also a victim of acne bully heard worst stories about not looking fresh and fine for them ladies, could remember a certain day (sometime in 2013 when I was still dating my Ex) came into town to visit her, she was always complaining about my face (your face is this your face is that) that I should get scrub and skin care soap out of insecurity, I spent alot on all those things and yet nothing changed because I didn’t accept myself the way I was. The depression was what hit me the most. I lost even myself thinking I didn’t fit into the society. I tried as much as hurting myself just to please people. It was almost difficult but then I learned to appreciate me and accept that this is who I am and no one else. I always put a smile on my face in front of the camera and also in front people and I even felt alot better and my confidence grew stronger. This piece of art especially that part of depression, pointed at me and it’s even more relieving after reading it. I love this alot and I just can’t stop at loving it but encourage people to read more it.
    #Love4theculture.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s sad that you were with someone like that, people can be careless with their words and don’t know the damage they are causing.

      Thank you so much for the kind words and don’t forget to encourage people to read 🌈

  20. Its incredible the amount of strength there is in vulnerability. Opening up about things that we fear the most not only makes it easier and less bothersome but it shows the human side of us all and the common things that bind us.

    I applaud you for taking time to process your feelings, writing about it and letting people who go through similar issue recognize that they are not alone. Do not let anything dime your light.

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  22. I won’t pretend like I went through half of what you went through as a teenager but I can relate to the emotions, being the only one in my family who has acne. I gave up at some point on making any effort when nothing worked. Sometimes I try working on it, other times, I won’t even spare it a thought, I’ll just go ahead and eat my peanuts or kulikuli. That’s the stage I’m in right now.

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