Society And Women’s Sexuality; How it’s seen, Effects & Reality

Female Development and Style

Women sexuality

I’ve been hoping that a day will come when we will talk about the objectification of women, women’s sexuality, how the society sees sexually active women as sluts, how women are made to shrink their sexual desires to be seen as women. We will talk about it, I will talk about it and that day is today.

Men are raised to think being sexual is natural to them, its biology.  Women are raised to be ashamed of their sexual need. It is as a bad thing if a woman admits being a sexual being that she is. You must not show any sexual desire, how dare you! How dare you let anyone know that you have a vagina between your legs that sometimes get wet and you want a man, woman or sexual objects you make you feel better.

Because of the unhealthy upbringing of daughters by the family and society women shrink their sexual desires, a huge part of themselves, they lose an important section of their amazing lives to the stigma and shame associated with a being a SLUT (a sexually active woman).

Amber Rose in a recent interview was talking about her slutwalk, how she was called a slut because she got divorced and got with someone else, the interviewer (a man that I don’t care about) said that is not what makes a woman a slut, it’s sleeping with multiple partners, she asked him what he is if he sleeps around with multiple women and he said a SLUTMAKER. It was a minute clip and I honestly would not have continued watching if it wasn’t she should have just walked out on him or better still spat on his face and told him to kiss her slutty ass.

That’s to show how deep these cultural standards for our bodies has eaten deep into the society, it’s disgusting and here are some side effects

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Side effects of the cultural standard on women’s sexuality

Women are not allowed to expressly express their sexuality and it has hurt us in ways

  • Sex naturally is an act that should be enjoyed by both sexes but when people have the mindset that men enjoy sex and women do not, sex is seen as a win for men and a lost for women, so when a man can get you down and insert his penis inside your vagina he feels good about it, he tries to do everything within his power to make sure the woman says yes. It makes him feel good sexually and his Ego is massaged because well.

  • Young girls tend to get out of control – because of the unhealthy upbringing of women about sex (I was told as a little girl that if I get close to a guy I will get pregnant and so was thousands of other Nigerian girls) it’s funny but unnecessary, the effort going into covering the truth about our sexuality or making it look bad can be used to teach young girls how their body reacts to different things, how to act when an uncle is looking at you in a certain way, how to shout when they are being touched inappropriately, what to expect in certain situations.

When these girls grow into adolescence and discover their sexuality, they love it; I mean sex is to be enjoyed. With no form of sexual orientation, most girls go out of control and these will greatly increase their risk of STD, STI, and unwanted pregnancy

  • Lack of satisfaction with their life – a lot of women that are sexual often shrink their selves or ‘get help’ because they think something is wrong with them, when every part of a person is not made to feel alive, the person feels less, feels unsatisfied and look for solution to a problem that is not there. It greatly affects the quality of a woman’s life.

If you are out there and are a sexually active woman, cheers, enjoy and embrace every part of your sexuality. Don’t let anyone guilt you because you’re not a virgin and you love sex. It is to be enjoyed.

And if you’re side-eyeing my post, PLEASE! Women like sex. Women enjoy sex. Deal with it.

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Let’s talk about

Feminists that slut-shame sexually active women because it’s not in line with their personal lives.

Feminism as a whole celebrates equality, freedom, it celebrates choice and when it comes to sexuality it means not shaming your fellow ladies for having sex even if you want to be a virgin till you’re married. If that’s what you want cheers. If your best friend wants to get some let her.

Sometimes I catch myself judging another woman’s lifestyle and I quickly put myself in check, we are in a limiting society so it will take time to unlearn a lot but it’s necessary and very important.

why women are more sexual in some societies

The reality of women that love sex

They are bold, generally happy and easy going, embracing your sexuality makes you discover more about yourself, the women that have unlocked these are hardly bitter because they are living their lives according to their rules, not unhealthy standards

sex makes a woman feel desired

When a woman is sexually active and she shows it people get confused because it’s something new, I mean how can a woman be so bold to talk about sex, she will be seen as a sex addict even if she is just with one partner, the fact that she is bold enough to talk about sex means she loves it and is most likely obsessed with it.

She masturbates a lot! Well maybe not a lot but when a woman loves sex it’s most likely that she wants more than her partner In an article on WebMD, Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D. stated, “When people wrote in about the discrepancy of frequency and desire [for sex], about 40% of the time it was men wanting less.” the fear of being rejected may make her masturbate or because she wants to please her darn self by her self.

She may cheat – like my previous point, a woman scared of rejection can resort to masturbating and even cheating, having multiple sex partners makes it easy to be satisfied, this is not a reality for all but for some women.

You can read more here about sexually active women

Women have a desire to be sexual just like men, when a person’s sexual nature is stripped of these hurtful and shaming cultural and psychological influences, a man and woman’s desire for sex is basically the same. Lisa Firestone

what are your thoughts on the societal standards on women’s sexuality? Have a story to share? I’ll love to read !


  • Posted May 27, 2018 2:58 pm
    by Vanessa

    Just like you sometimes I catch myself judging others lifestyle but then I remind myself that we individually make choices that make us happy and if she’s happy, more grease to her elbow.

    • Posted May 27, 2018 3:00 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Yessss.. people’s happiness should come before our judgment

  • Posted May 27, 2018 3:10 pm
    by Cynthia

    What can I say? It boils down to how most of our girls were brought up & the psychological/ physical environment as well. I just want the society to be humble enough to accept the fact that women are human beings just like the men and deserve to be seen/respected as such.

    Until then, I’m afraid nothing will change cos I’ve seen young 21st century boys and men insist that women ought to keep being relegated all round. Smh

    • Posted May 27, 2018 3:13 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      The society does not even need to be humble. It’s the truth. An obvious truth . Those boys will meet their match because our generation of women won’t wait for their validation. We will snatch our crowns and adorn ourselves.
      It starts with us and a positive attitude is key

    • Posted May 27, 2018 3:13 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thanks for reading Cynthia ?

  • Posted May 27, 2018 7:42 pm
    by Oma

    I like the part about “if you’re a Virgin and you want to wait till marriage Hut your bestfriend says she wants to get some, let her”. You did justice to this post, Funke! ? Take itttt??

    • Posted May 27, 2018 7:45 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thank you so much oma … I’ve collected it ?

  • Posted May 28, 2018 8:28 am
    by Debs

    This article is so rich and informative. I quite agree with you that a woman’s sexual needs shouldn’t be a basis to judge her because she’s first human before a woman. And for that, she should be treated equally as her menfolk with respect and admiration for voicing our her needs and even embracing it.

    • Posted May 28, 2018 8:40 am
      by thefunkeolotu

      Yes! I like the way you write your comments Debbie ?❤️

  • Posted May 28, 2018 8:51 pm
    by Ahmed

    Yunno a part of me has been waiting for this sorta writeup, coz earlier this month I saw someone’s story talmbout a “female virginity day” and stuff, I wasn’t happy about it coz I felt that was Stigmatism to the opposite females, you did justice to the topic and I loved every single part of it, keep up the good work!

  • Posted May 28, 2018 8:51 pm
    by Vincent Desmond

    I agree hundred percent with this post. Its so tiring how men objectify women in every aspect of life especially in music videos then expect those same women to not embrace and accept their sexual nature or be sexually active the way we men are allowed to be. Nicely done Funke

    • Posted May 28, 2018 9:16 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thank you Vincent, when I read your tweets and comments I have hope in men honestly ?

  • Posted May 31, 2018 11:17 pm
    by Cirphrank

    Cultural aberrations and ill norms heavily guarded by unrepentant old ones have done more harm and no good over time, I feel real bad when I think of some injustice that’s being dealt to a great deal of the female folks, it’s appalling how anyone would consider inhumane acts such as breast ironing and the likes as a norm, it disgusts, most painful though, is when I see some ladies, especially young ones accepting this hook, line, sinking whole!

    This issue of sex gratifications when abnormally seeked out being flagged proper for only a gender is one that throws me off balance, a proper case of fools on the fence, when green pastures are on a side, can we just straight up stop being hypocritical and also try implementing equity as regards matters such as this from time to time at least? If we ‘gon be hating on having multiple partners, good Lord! let’s be hating on it for both genders already and not considering it as a criteria for proper masculinity, ever!
    Funny some inane ones even try to intimidate fellow men that are sane sometimes because they do not objectify women, like it makes one less a man? May many receive sense in Jesus name, amen.

    I better cut it here lest I rant off this whole page. Mind you, I’ll keep speaking for the female folks, speaking to them some sense too, I do likewise to the men. (I do so via spoken word poetry, and articles. A guy even submitted something similar recently to my blog : “PEEKABOO” (SUICIDE NOTES))

    PS: I do not support the idea of multiple partners for any gender, fall in love, stay faithful to a deserving lover. Let no one quote manipulated Bible passages to me, I have no problem with a divorcee getting remarried, there’s something called minding one’s business and I actively practise it. Plus single mothers are to be cherished and not castigated!

    • Posted June 2, 2018 11:18 am
      by thefunkeolotu

      Your comment is giving me life! if something is wrong for a gender, it should be wrong for both!!!!! I’ve witnessed a man trying to shame a man because he didn’t want to marry another wife and I was so irritated and angry!

      we have a lot of unlearning and learning to do

      • Posted June 2, 2018 5:14 pm
        by Cirphrank

        “unlearning and learning” – APT. Well written young ma.

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  • Posted June 18, 2018 1:15 pm
    by Samantha Le

    Hi! I’m Samantha from Malaysia. Very interesting write-up on women’s sexuality and their “frustrations” + the ideal standards or norms we live in. Malaysia too as a “claimed” Muslim country has delimit women as of their own sex. I find that saddening, instead we are to some extent going backwards with this. I get frustrated at times how my sexuality in Malaysia is “controlled” when people tell me about the way I dress. That’s just degrading already.

    I, myself am a huge supporter of exhibiting my sexuality in a “modern” way, where people will and can show respect (again, living in a Muslim country). I don’t need to be accepted nor do I want to conform to what I need to live up to in this country, but I find myself at times exploring different kind of mindsets of men, who are my friends. I learn from them and although they are Muslims, they are OK/they understand and know what it’s like to allow women to embrace themselves. And today, I can see young gals coming out, becoming modern allowing technology to “conquer” their lifestyle and to assist us young women in Malaysia the ability to portray our own sexuality.

    We’re still discriminated but it’s not how it used to be anymore. Not too old, not too young, although so, we’ve still got a looooong way to go.

    • Posted June 18, 2018 8:09 pm
      by thefunkeolotu

      Thank you Samantha. I like the mindset you’re approaching your sexuality with. It’s a really good one. And I wish counties like Malaysia can get rid of the religion thingy and let people be

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