Abortion is a word we are all familiar with and have different opinions on. I strongly feel that, connecting with women that have done this, by listening to their stories will trigger a feeling of empathy and not just entitlements to women’s bodies.
I had a chat with a few women that have had abortions and here is the first interview under this series titled ‘My Abortion Story‘
She prefers to be anonymous but for the sake of this interview, we will name her Gold.
1. Why did you decide that you were going to get an abortion?
Fear mostly. I couldn’t face my parents with a baby, I couldn’t face the society with a baby. I knew what people had gone through with keeping their babies and I couldn’t do it. It was easier for me to just get an abortion.
2. Which method was your abortion?
Pills. I was in a European country where it was legal so I just went to the clinic and had it done.
3. Did your partner know about this, was he fully involved and did this affect the relationship?
I and my partner at the time were in a casual situation-ship. He was aware and this ended things for good to be honest. He wasn’t actively involved in the entire process in any way.
4. What do you think people should consider when judging women that have had abortions
People get pregnant, and as much as premarital sex isn’t a good thing, sometimes a baby comes out of it. If only there wasn’t so much shame and pain attached to girls having babies outside of wedlock then maybe more young women would actually carry babies to term.
For me I was also concerned about its impact on my future and career. People make it seem like having a baby is the end of your life, I was in 3rd year of university, I couldn’t even take care of myself, much less a baby. I was only 18!
In my kind, all these factors combined didn’t make me even consider keeping the baby
It’s funny, a lot of the people that judge also have sex, but it just didn’t result in a baby.
We used a condom you know, it came off and got stuck in me, I took the morning after pill (a tad late) Which is what a lot of people do, but still, baby.
It’s honestly something I struggle to decide on. A lot of people condemn others for having an abortion, but sometimes that’s their only choice. Nobody wants to bring a child to come and suffer
5. I’m curious, do you regret having your abortion?
Sometimes, I think about it. I felt so terrible afterwards, I was depressed for a while. I didn’t regret not having the baby, I just regretted that it was something I had to do, if that makes any sense
Sometimes I think of how old the child would’ve been, what he/she would’ve looked like. But I can’t fathom what my life would’ve been if I’d had the child
6. What were you not prepared for that happened after the abortion?
The bleeding. I bled for a month plus.
Then the depression. I couldn’t leave my house. I couldn’t tell anyone so I suffered alone. The one person that knew had traveled.
The depression. I remember days when I’d just cry all day. It was winter too so it was terrible. I had to attend a medical ethics class and they had us discuss abortion
I was in a class with mostly Nigerians, very conservative Nigerians with very strong opinions, I had to sit through them bashing the idea that anyone would even consider abortion. It was called murder. I was so sad. Nothing prepared me for that. I was only ready for relief
7. What was one thing you wished you had after your decision to abort
Support. Emotional support. I didn’t have that. It was months before anyone noticed I was depressed. I just told my friends I was sick. One day my flatmate walked in on me crying, that was when she knew something was horribly wrong. I wish I’d had support, people I could go to without fear of judgment
8. Will you ever have an abortion again?
No. I don’t think my conscience could bear another. Unless it was medically advised because of some threat to my life or the baby’s. I’d rather be a different type of brave if it came down to it.
9. Final words for anyone considering having an abortion?
If you can, have the child.
I don’t know what else to say apart from this. I can’t judge anyone’s decisions because I’ve been there. I don’t think it’s murder. I don’t have all the answers. But if you have a good support system and if you physically can, have the baby. It’s scary, very scary and the shame that the society attaches to women who have children outside of wedlock is unfair and hard to bear. But nothing prepares you for that feeling of loss, that sense of judgment that comes with it. It’s almost as if you’re too scared to feel relieved because you think how dare you feel good about what you’ve done.
And the society is just full of crap, shaming you if you have the baby, shaming you if you don’t. So have the baby anyway if you can. Children are amazing.
Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to talk about this without being afraid of being judged. I hope someone will see this and heal from whatever pain they feel, or gain courage to be a different type of brave. And I hope people become less judgmental of the decisions people make. Life is not always easy.
Love and Light Always,