Female Development and Style

I was bullied in secondary school and it was the time of my life that changed my perspective of the world, made me feel worthless and stupid. I hated myself.

Bullying in secondary school is not something a lot of people talk about here in Nigeria. Some parents do not know that bullying in secondary school is a thing. A big deal. 

Especially boarding school where they are not in touch with their children and don’t get to notice the small changes in their mood, attitude, and appearance.

Bullying comes in different forms in school. It’s easy for teenagers to be depressed. They are young and mostly innocent, they may not recognize bullying till later.

I got into secondary school pretty early, I was 9 but did not face bullying till 12,13 (SS1 & SS2) and it was in 2 schools. But that of SS2 was the worse. The one in SS1 was prompted by people thinking I was a terrible person and a lesbian in school. it was a Christian school so it was bad. 

In SS2 I was exposed to a new atmosphere when we moved to Kaduna and I Had to change my school. I was such a nice girl. My hostel was not mixed like my previous boarding school. It was just SS2 girls in one big room, we were about 83 or more.

I helped a lot of my classmates with the things they needed and I didn’t see it as a big deal till much later when I noticed I was being sent errands and treated like a junior. I just said I was going to stop but it escalated to people talking down on me and making me feel terrible. I was mocked for my pimples and I remember one time a girl purposely dropped my ironed uniform on the ground and was laughing about it. I can’t remember why.



I was accused of asking a guy out and I had nothing to do with him. I didn’t even fancy him, up till now I don’t know what caused that rumor.

I think that’s bullshit now anyways. I remember hating him so much. Girls will be talking about me to my face and using codes “talking about let them not ask your boyfriend out o, people are now asking boys out o”, and then I looked at it as a bad thing.

I honestly can’t remember a lot of things because I’ve blocked them out of my memory.

I think it’s one of the ways we deal with pain, I like to think that it happens subconsciously. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. If it’s the right thing to do or not but it helps a little.

I can’t remember what really happened but I remember how the situation made me feel worthless, I cried a lot, I stayed in my bed and did not go to class. 

It was a shitty experience and I don’t like remembering my days in that school.

Lucky for me I left after SS2 and this was because of the Christian, Muslim clash then. It was not a safe place and I’m so happy I left that place.

This post was triggered by a message I saw about a girl being bullied in secondary school and I started wondering why we don’t talk about this. I think I’ll have to stop saying that because that’s why I write what I write. The part of the girl child people don’t talk about.

I’ve not watched a Nigerian movie centered on bullying in secondary school. This topic deserves more representation. 

I’ll be sharing some tips on how you can asses someone that’s being bullied and how to get over it

How to know when a teenager is being bullied in secondary school

change in appearance

Being teased about how teens look is the oldest form of bullying, a lot of teens are late bloomers but don’t even know so most of them feel terrible that they don’t look like their peers. They will want to start changing their looks to feel better, look better and even start dressing in a different way. A girl that loved colors can start hiding her colors and try to be invisible.

 Keeping to herself

When I got home for the holidays, I mostly stayed in my own company, because I was used to myself, the pain, crying myself to sleep and wishing I had money for surgery so I can fix my face. At 13,14 I was everything I disliked. This is a very common way of handling pain because it’s easy. Once you notice withdrawal. Start checking up on her/him.

Bad academic performance

You can’t expect someone that does not want to exist to be slaying em grades. It’s not possible. They will be trying to shrink their self not blossom.

Stubborn, hot head and aggressive

There’s a lot of pain and anger that builds up and that leads to the person being explosive at any given chance.

There are a lot of things you start noticing when a teenager is being bullied. Pay attention to their mood, are they changing? Do they act up easily now? Absent-minded? Self-esteem issues.

If you pay more attention you’ll notice these things and it’s easier to curb at the moment than later.

How to get over bullying

For this, there is no straight answer, to be honest with you. Bullying makes you question why you even exist so getting over that is not something that happens in a week or a month.

It’s a gradual process.

Change school

This is a great way of starting, a lot of people may want to report to the school authorities but that will make the bullies more aware of their influence and most times they don’t change. They get worse.



They will feel stuck and sick and sometimes suicidal. So taking that child away from that toxic environment is good. I can’t tell you how good this is. Leaving everything behind. Sometimes I don’t want to wake up because it’s the same people and another set of drama. Taking them away makes them breathe fresh air and this goes for any form of pain. Leave the surrounding of that pain.

sad bullied Nigerian girl

Talk talk talk

It’s not easy to open up about bullying especially because you’ll get the “no one can try that with me” or “if it’s me” or “you were too calm”, you caused it” reaction and if makes your self-worth goes down into your tummy. If someone opens up to you; Talk to them, let them cry, let them weep, just be there. Listen and talk to them. Encourage them. Make them feel good and just be there for them.

Boost of confidence

Is there something they are good at and have forgotten or don’t even want to try? Help them do that, take her for a walk, see a movie, anything to make her smile and feel better.

I want to chip in that there is no one size fits all approach to dealing with being bullied. For me, I kept my pain and carried it til for like 2,3 years till I met my best friend then that helped me; walked me out of my pain and sometimes I remember and it still hurts but I no longer feel worthless. It’s in my past.

I hope this post finds you if you’ve gone through this or know someone going through this. Help them heal and please leave comments on how you think they can heal.

Love and light

Funke

15 Comments

  • Posted September 17, 2019 10:02 am
    by Busola

    This post brought back a lot of memories. I was bullied in high school as well, it was like the worst time of my life. Glad I got over it because it wasn’t easy to at first.
    We really need to be more observant and helpful because young people close to us still experience bullying.
    Thank you for this Funke 🖤

    • Posted September 17, 2019 10:05 am
      by Olotu Funke

      So sorry about your experience Busola, Being observant is key. I always talk to my younger brother to make sure he’s okay

  • Posted September 17, 2019 11:26 am
    by Ogechi

    We really don’t talk about bullying as much, my fav part is how to spot a child being bullied. I love this post! Great read 👍🏾👍🏾

    • Posted September 17, 2019 11:33 am
      by Olotu Funke

      Thank you so much Ogechi, we really don’t and we should.

  • Posted September 17, 2019 2:15 pm
    by Daniels Daniella

    God bless you for this post.Honestly, a lot of things are left hidden and unsaid,thank you for shedding light on this very important issues.

    • Posted September 17, 2019 2:25 pm
      by Olotu Funke

      Thank you Daniella, thank you.

  • Posted September 17, 2019 5:35 pm
    by Fisayo

    Hi Funke, thank you for sharing this, and I can understand this ❤️. I wouldn’t say I was bullied per say but I started becoming very self aware in secondary school. A few of the guys in my class will laugh at my flat ass 🤣 and I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear them, and it went on for a while. I literally avoided walking in front of the class. I became so self conscious and would rather tuck out my uniform, because I was trying to hide it. Like you said, it still hurts sometimes but that’s the past! Thanks for helping 💕

    • Posted September 17, 2019 6:43 pm
      by Olotu Funke

      so sorry you had to go through that Fisayo. teenagers can be so cruel. i am happy this helped

  • Posted September 17, 2019 7:22 pm
    by Yommie👑

    I’m sooo sorry you went through all this, my bullying was majorly in university now they’re calling me ‘sis’, thank God that phase is over, keep shining ❤️😘

    • Posted September 18, 2019 8:58 am
      by Olotu Funke

      Calling you sis! lmaooo
      i can so relate, now they want to famz. I am happy you are doing well

  • Posted September 18, 2019 2:10 pm
    by Toks David

    This post! I remember one time i got bullied by a senior, she just disliked me for no reason and would always single me out to run errands even if they were a thousand juniors around me. Luckily it stopped after i got a school mother but then the hurtful remarks she made most times to me still lingers on. Bullying is one aspect our society really needs to focus on, because there are so many kids suffering and smiling. Thanks for sharing this as well ❤

    • Posted September 18, 2019 2:23 pm
      by Olotu Funke

      So sorry you had to go through that. Seniors are the worst! They can be so cruel

  • Posted September 26, 2019 11:59 am
    by Tonye

    Sorry you had to go through all of these babe. I was bullied for a short while in primary school but I found a way to get over it and didn’t let it bother me. It stopped eventually. In my first year of high school I was almost bullied but I immediately put them in their place. Thank God for strength. Yes, we need to talk about bullying and portray it in our movies more.

    This is why I love you, always bringing up this important topics.

    http://www.theblackwriter.co

    • Posted September 26, 2019 12:20 pm
      by Olotu Funke

      Awwwnnn
      Thank you so much my baby!

      I love you more, putting everyone in their place is the energy we all need

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