lifestyle

My View On Mercy Aigbe’s Abuse

Welcome back Smarties!

Social media has been going haywire these past few days because of Mercy Aigbe’s abuse and that of a young beautiful girl that was beaten and burnt beyond recognition by her ex-boyfriend.

Two men come to mind.and im double crushed More:

As you can imagine, I’m not writing this post just to say that, I am because I have a lot to say!  So you might want to sit on a couch and grab a cup of coffee.

 

I saw pictures of Mercy Aigbe’s face online and thought it was from a movie until I started seeing a lot of posts on it and then she finally confirmed that she was abused by him.

After escaping an abusive relationship, one of the biggest dangers to guard against is returning to your captor. You're a runaway, and they will do their best to capture you again. - Quote about domestic violence and abusive relationships by John Mark Green #johnmarkgreen #johnmarkgreenpoetry:

I have issues with Mercy Aigbe for staying in that relationship and although I do not blame her for the first beating she received, I blame her for the second and up till this moment, how many times have we read that if he lays his hands on you, he will do it again.
The excuse she gave for staying in the marriage angered me, for love and  her child!?  Really, if Mercy was a poor African woman, that excuse might work, even if. That itself is not an excuse.

It’s a pity how the meaning of love has been reduced to  nothing

Is Love Enough?

What does for the sake of the children really mean?:
She has a good career, if she had left with their child, will Lanre have beaten her to this state? And her saying she stayed for her child is just a shame, if Lanre had touched her again after releasing the statement and God forbid, something worse happens to her or she had lost her life?  How will her child feel for the rest of her life?  The guilt that will follow that child for being the reason her mother stayed and was beaten to death will not leave her.

 

And she said she was a role model… To who?  Staying in a marriage with an abusive man makes you a role model?  If she had left after the first time he hit her I would stand up and clap for her and shout yasss girl, you’re a strong woman and a role model to other women out there that are going through the same madness.

 

She also mentioned that she didn’t want to leave him but she feels like they need help, she feels like? she didn’t want to leave? she feels like or she knows he needs help.

But no she stayed, for what?  To prove that Nollywood marriages last?  Or to brag about being a wife?

 

Everything boils down to the Nigerian mentality of being important or having a say as a woman only when you’re married.

 

I am angry at mercy for staying in the marriage for that long but I have to say that I’m glad that she’s finally out, and I praise her courage for getting help and coming public about it. But I can’t help but wonder that if the beating was not brutal, would she have left that marriage or still stay because of her role model life.

 

My dear smarties, what are your thoughts?

 

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Women Like me Are Victims

Women choose between your Career and Marriage

Letter to A Friend – Dear Friend

 

16 thoughts on “My View On Mercy Aigbe’s Abuse

  1. I am with you 100 percent on This. like I feel very very bad for Mercy, like i did and do. but when he hit her the first time she should have left and that would have been role model like for me because that would have shown women that if he hits you, you CAN go. as for Lanre I just don’t know what to say to him, like are you mentally okay? why will you beat your spouse or anybody to that level. I personally feel back because I THINK social pressure to be a wife keeps many women in their sad marriages and I can say I have seen that alot!!! sorry for the long comment but nice post!!!

    quirksandoutfits.wordpress.com

  2. In my opinion, since my most married celebrities are either seperated or divorced, I think she was trying to not be like them, and probably prove that celebrity marriages can work.
    However, at the end of the day, it’s not about what people but about what’s best for you. And man who lays his hands on a woman has serious mental problem.

    http://www.lydiaschronicle.com

  3. I don’t think it’s entirely fair when people blame DMV victims for not leaving.

    A lot of them want to but just can’t. They need a lot of love and support and encouragement and not bashing.

    It’s not easy to walk away. They’re not seeing the situation as clearly as you are.

    Who knows, they might even be addicted to the violence.

    People have used violence from time immemorial to control the actions of others. There’s the example of Stockholm syndrome.

    I don’t applaud her for staying, but I wouldn’t bash her. It’s not as easy as we make it out to be.

    1. You have a point when you say it’s not as easy as we think and they don’t see it clearly as we do.
      I didn’t blame her for the first beating, but even if it was difficult she has a child to protect

      All in all, I’m glad she’s out.

      Thanks for dropping by

    2. Actually it’s exactly easy and that’s the problem. We just over think things. Sure we shouldn’t be judging abuse victims after all no one is perfect. But when it comes to abuse, the line has to be drawn and that’s it. Forget the kids you both have, or the fans you don’t want to disappoint because the truth is at that first moment when they lay a hand on you, everything and everyone else don’t matter. Get out! Don’t think it through, don’t think about what anyone would say because they DON’T MATTER AT ALL!!

  4. I was angered too when I read her reasons for not leaving but as Village_Geh said, most times it’s not as easy as we think for this victims.

    I’m sure she has learnt her lessons and so also will other women in her shoes. Only the living stay married.

    It’s time women need to understand they need to stop getting worried about the stigma associated with a divorced woman or one who was a victim of domestic violence but man up and walk away while they still can.

    Good point of view, Funke?

  5. FOA, Lovely post.
    I think it is very important for human beings to know that we only have this one life and letting other people dictate our well being is really messed up.
    I only respect women who are strong enough to know when to get out of a toxic relationship regardless of what the society thinks. If they don’t know this, their children will thank them later on for being strong and brave. She claims she stayed for her child, I call bull! When that child grows up, he will understand her decision for leaving his abusive father and he will respect her for that. If you can’t be brave how will you teach your kids the same?
    Suzanwrites.Wordpress.com

  6. Olotu, I don’t agree with you o. Na only person wey wear the shoe, sabi where it dey pinch am.

    1. It’s not easy to leave. This is because you are emotionally attached to him. You love this man and you can’t really imagine life outside him. It’s even hard for people that are dating an abusive partner not to talk of someone you are married to.

    2. Leaving is enough emotional stress. They will always beg for forgiveness and say they will change. Due to love, you will forgive, accept and stay but you will get beaten again. I tell you, it’s even more stressful to leave than to stay.

    3. You value been a wife. No one wants to be associated with a broken marriage. You still want to be a wife to your husband.

    4. Your kids. It’s bad enough for your kids to watch you been beaten but it’s even more bad when they cannot concentrate in school because they are from broken homes or their parents live separately.

    So really funke, it’s not easy. Don’t blame her please. It takes great courage to walk out. GREAT COURAGE. Applaude her rather than blame her. There are many more women who having read her story will still remain in their abusive home? Why? Because they are scared. Fear. And also, the points I mentioned above.

    Notwithstanding, great post and wonderful blog!

    http://www.liveinibadan.blogspot.com

    1. Hi Liveinibadan
      The points you mentioned are exactly the reasons why women die in abusive relationships

      1) once he lays his hands on you, love dies… It should die because if he loves u as much as u do him, he shouldn’t be hitting you.

      2)Leaving should be easy. And because you love this person, no should be pretty easy because as much as you love them, you are important to you and that’s not negotiable.

      3) Valuing yourself as a wife should be the last thing on your mind. You want to be wife to a man who doesn’t value himself as your husband? Girllll please take off the lemon slices on your eyes! Lol

      4)Your kids should be the second reason you get out. It’s bad enough that they see how their dad disrespects their mum. When they get used to it, they start to disrespect their mother thinking it’s OK because hey, papa does it too so why not right?

      I know a lot of girls who grew up without both parents and they turned out very well. I said previously we are not perfect. No one is but we cannot excuse violence, domestic or otherwise. It is wrong and there should NEVER be any reason to make excuses for it.

  7. am with u on ds 100%. i still can’t understand why peeps care about what others think of them when the Bible in proverbs 29:25 says”its dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are Safe”(good news). bottom line, dont be concerned with what others will think. flee all appearances of abuse

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